A Story of Hope & Liberation from Suicidal Thoughts

It was 2017, I was on tour with Tony Robbins in Canada. Before I hit the stage, I prayed.  “God, I know everyone came here for a purpose; see, hear, feel, speak, and work through me. 🙏🏼” Then, I enthusiastically  jumped onto stage in Montreal, music blasting, bright blinding lights beaming, 6,000 souls cheering, ready for massive transformation.

One soul in the audience was a struggling young woman named Carmen, who’d been anguished by suicidal thoughts. This is her epic story of healing, transformation and empowerment… in her own words.

The Raw, Real Story of a Young Woman’s Liberation from Suicide

Written by: Carmen

“I was 12 when I started having suicidal thoughts” said Carmen. “I’d think about it all the time. Everything felt so hard. I’m not talking about “Oh this is hard, I don’t like it, I could die…” I’m talking about full on darkness 24/7.”

Carmen continued, “I would get urges to kill myself immediately. Like addicts, where nothing else mattered. I’d fight it with everything I had. After a while, it would slowly start to fade. I’d be physically exhausted, like I ran a marathon, or fought a bear. Then, I’d look at the clock, only to notice 15 minutes went by… I’d think to myself — Oh my God — I still have a whole day to go through (with who knows how many more bears to fight), and tomorrow, the day after, next week, next year — I just can’t do this.

I saw this infinite cycle with nothing to look forward to, nothing that would make it worth it. I kept thinking — I can’t do this! It has to end! I didn’t know how to make it any different, but God knows I was trying. I wasn’t asking for much, I just wanted to be fine. I needed a little bit of ease, a little grace.”

Breaking Free from Despair: Navigating Suicidal Tendencies

“When I was 16, I tried to hang myself with a belt attached to my bunk bed. It felt so pathetic. I made sure I was alone in the house. I was hanging there with my knees bent, floating in the air. I started to feel pressure in my face from the lack of oxygen.

Suddenly, I heard a voice I’d never heard before, or since…

It said: “Go see to the end of the road.”

I was a bit surprised, but not much. I was mostly numb. I got up, detached the belt, sat and waited to feel my face again, while staring at the wall like a zombie. I put the belt back in the drawer and went to bed, like nothing happened.

Life continued.

I can’t even convey how much I hated myself back then. I felt like the worst human on earth. It didn’t even make sense. I felt unworthy, useless and pathetic, but you wouldn’t know it. People just thought I was shy, but I was a highly functional mess.

I didn’t talk about what was going on because I didn’t want to be judged, or make the people around me feel bad.

I went on like this for almost 15 years. I tried different things, but nothing worked enough to get me out of it. Just enough to keep me going another day.”

Finding Strength & Support to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts

“Then, I saw a movie on Netflix…. Tony Robbins’ “I am not your Guru.” My whole being was shaken. I became obsessed with this guy for 3 weeks. Then I heard on the radio that he was coming to my town! I knew I had to go, even if I was broke.

I managed to get myself there, along with 6,000 people, and had the biggest panic attack of my life. I wanted to leave so bad, even before Tony came on stage. As I was trying to dissolve in my chair, collapsing in my anxiety, I heard a voice.

I looked up, and saw a little ball of energy bouncing on the stage with a leather jacket. I was intrigued as I didn’t even realize someone had walked in. As I was trying to focus on what was going on, I started to catch my breath again.

That’s when I met her – Niurka ✨”

A Lifeline for Those Contemplating Suicide

“With the state I was in, I don’t even remember what she said, but she managed to get me out of that panic attack just in time to hear: “At NeoGenesis (aka: NEO) we go to the root-cause of fear, and release it.”

At that moment, I was hooked. I knew that’s what I needed because I had tried so many things, but all the pain wouldn’t go away. I knew I had to go to the root to finally be done! It just made sense!

It took a lot for me to get to NEO, so much that in the process of getting myself there, I started to lose hope. I was ready to take my life again, and actually had a pretty good plan. Miracles happened along the way that made me believe I might have a chance… I didn’t know it back then, but the process of transformation had already started, from the moment I said yes…

NeoGenesis was THE LAST CHANCE I was giving myself at living. I was decided that if NEO didn’t work, I was allowed to kill myself for real, as I would have tried enough.

I was terrified when I walked into that event room – where I knew no one, in a different country, with a different language, and possibly 4 days left to live.

The event began and I was desperate for Niurka to help me.

During NEO, Niurka picks a student to come on stage, and she guides a live demonstration (demo) of the transformational process. She didn’t pick me as her demo, which crushed me because – it was a life or death situation for me!

At the end of the second day, I was at my wit’s end. I went back to my room, sat on the balcony and summoned God. I was like: “God, we need to talk immediately. This is not what I signed up for. This is not the deal we had. I did my part: I got here and now you’re playing me… You better hold up your end of the bargain or i’ll kill myself right here, right now! I don’t even need to wait for the 4 days to end! I don’t care if the maid finds my dead body. I don’t care if my family has to deal with bringing my body back to my country. I don’t care about anything — this is enough!!!’’

I went into meditation committed to getting an answer.

I asked myself why I wanted Niurka to talk to me so badly. What came to me is because I felt like Niurka was the personification of the Divine. The closest thing to God you can find in a human form because of everything she was truly embodying. Then, I realized, I didn’t really want Niurka to talk to me — I wanted God to talk to me. Even further than that — I wanted God to help me talk to myself. I emerged out of my meditation and went to bed, feeling practically nothing.

The next day is when the magic happened!!! September 22nd, 2018. I was reborn 

Through an immensely powerful exercise, I released anger at the root. 

At that moment — I got my power back and everything changed!!!”

A Beacon of Hope: The Transformational Journey of a Survivor

“I didn’t even realize me having power was a thing…I know it sounds so simple, but it made all the difference for me. I realized that anything that was wrong in my life, I could just change it.

If I hated my job, I could quit.

If I didn’t like where I lived, I could move.

If my relationship wasn’t great, I could break up.

I realized — I had the power to take action and get different results. 

A new awareness awakened within me at NEO — I knew somehow that I’d be able to deal with whatever happened next. I came back different. That was 5 years ago. So much has happened since. Miracles I couldn’t even conceive. I’ve never felt better, and it’s just the start!

I used to hate myself beyond words, so much that I wanted to die. But I was wrong. It was just an old part of me that was ready to die, but not me as a whole.

Darkness Transformed into Light at NEO. I came back renewed.”

Living Proof: Suicidal Thoughts Alchemize Into A New Beginning✨

“Now, I have deep respect, love, compassion, admiration and appreciation for myself,

I know this love will continue expanding as I go through life and new experiences.

In the past, I used to feel so alone. There’s no words to express how alone I felt.

NOW, I’m my best buddy. 🙂

This “self” that I desperately tried to escape, now feels like home to me. 

I used to feel so broken and damaged beyond repair, but now I know that I was never broken. I was just lost. In fact, I don’t believe that we can be broken. Our souls are unbreakable. I think we can wander so far from ourselves that we feel broken, but there’s always a way to come back home within.”

Coming Home to Your Authentic Self: Lasting Mental Wellbeing

“It’s been 5 years since I graduated from NEO, and I’ve never had a suicidal thought since, the way I did in the past for almost 15 years.

All the pain that was so extremely unbearable, now feels like a very small price to pay if I can help even one person – now, it has deeper purpose and meaning. That’s why I’m sharing my story.

Niurka has been doing what she does for a long time. She mastered it like no one else on earth.

I can only speak from my experience, but I’m pretty sure that her life’s work has saved a lot more lives than just mine, probably more than she even knows about.

She saw through all the crap that I believed was so real. She saw me living in the embodiment of my highest potential, and even though it was a huge step for me – I started to believe it could be possible…

Niurka saw my essence, my light, my soul, the real me, at a time where I couldn’t see it for myself. Her sacred reflection opened a portal of transformation for me, guiding me to an impressive awakening.

At NEO, my perception shifted – my whole existence recontextualized itself in light of my BREAKTHROUGHS!!!

Niurka received me in pure presence, unconditional love, allowing me to begin my journey of healing. Every course I’ve experienced with her has expanded my being and life to a whole new level.

And, it’s just the beginning. That’s what NeoGenesis means: New Beginnings.

Help Is Available: Resources & Guidance for Life’s Toughest Moments

There’s many ways to approach suicide. This is one that worked for me. It even led me to join Niurka’s Supreme Team and be part of this profound work.

There’s resources available for you, and NeoGenesis is one of them. Niurka, myself and our entire team are here to support you. You don’t need to do this alone.

If this resonates with you, we invite you to join us for NeoGenesis and if you have questions CLICK HERE to book a 15-minute zoom with me personally. I am here to answer your questions, and support you.”

“If you, or someone you know is experiencing darkness or suicidal thoughts, please send them the link to this blog. It may be life-saving.

And, to Niurka, I really think that you and I were meant to be in this life. It was a Divine appointment, and I am forever grateful beyond what the human language can express.”

With Love, 

Carmen

A Tribute to the Extraordinary Men Who Made It All Possible

I’m so proud of the amazing woman that Carmen’s become; and, I’m inspired to acknowledge 3 amazing men that led to Carmen’s path of healing, meaning, purpose, and now being a powerful advocate to save lives.

Tony Robbins, a powerful force who inspired Carmen to take action, and show up at that event on that auspicious day.

The amazing Salim Khoja, who created The Power of Success Events, the life-changing tour throughout Canada, where Carmen first saw Tony and I, and  sparked her journey of transformation. I have deep love and respect for this wonderful soul who’s events have empowered countless lives.

And Sam, my dearest friend, who introduced me to Salim, and opened the door for the miraculous unfolding of Carmen’s story. I am eternally, and forever grateful for you, your wisdom, luminous light, and presence in my life.

These three remarkable men created a ripple effect that made Carmen’s journey of healing possible. 

They are an instruments of Higher Destiny.✨

Thank you. I Love You. Namaste.🙏🏼

P.S. This pic of Carmen and I was taken this year at Goddess Garden, our women’s empowerment retreat. Can you tell – she’s got her power back! 🙂 🙏🏼❤️💪🏼🎉✨”

P.S.S. Please forward this blog to anyone navigating suicidal thoughts or dark times. And, remember our entire team is here with open arms to support you.

P.S.S.S. If you are a graduate of our transformational courses, and you have a success story to share, we’d love to hear from you! Your story can make a huge difference in someone’s life. Plus it sparks our team’s deepest inspiration; it’s why we’re here. Reach out to my Supreme Team at info@niurkainc.com