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The Supreme Influence Show
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Communicate with Purpose, Poise & Power:
Elevate Your Communication Skills with Niurka
There’s a way that you communicate with the people in your life that’s very natural to you.
- It’s how you communicate in BUSINESS with your partners, colleagues, clients, team members, vendors, bosses.
- It’s the way that you communicate in your personal RELATIONSHIPS with your family, loved ones, your children.
- It’s how you communicate with yourself; how you identify yourself; and who you know yourself to be.
BUT, it’s unexamined… because it comes so naturally.
Very few people pause to really contemplate and examine: where does this way of being and communicating come from, and how effective is it?
It comes from a blueprint that you inherited when you were very small from:
- The people around you
- The people who raised you
- The society and culture you were born into
- The school you went to
The society and culture that you were born into had rules, norms and beliefs that were already ingrained, and so, most automatically accept it without question.
Had you been born into a different society or culture, you’d have a different blueprint.
And so, this hidden blueprint silently INFLUENCES:
- Your Perception
- Your Communication
- The Choices You Make
- The Actions You Take
- The Results You Produce
- Your Quality of Life
- Who You Know Yourself To Be
- Who You Become
In today's episode, we’ll explore how you can reconstruct this hidden blueprint in a way that makes you more clear, empowered and effective.
More effective how, you may be wondering?
In your inner alignment, and how you SHOW UP in your:
- Personal Relationships: loved ones, beloved, family, children
- Business ventures: your meetings, calls, presentations, negotiations
- And every area of life!
Imagine communicating in a way that’s authentic and natural for you, and inspires people to really listen to you, and hear you in a way they’ve never heard you before.
Imagine communicating in a way that inspires understanding.
The Quality of Your Life Mirrors The Quality of Your Communication.
Your Success = Your Communication.
When you Elevate Your Communication Skills — You Elevate Your Life!
I’m inspired to be with you, and share today’s teaching because it will empower you to:
Communicate with Greater Purpose, Poise and Power than ever before!
This episode is a timeless audio recording that I created years ago.
It contains timeless wisdom to align your communication skills with who you really are, and the heights that you’re destined for.
Get ready to receive:
- Actionable practices
… to empower you on your journey.
Be sure to Listen (and/or read) all the way to the end because, after you receive all this value, I’ll share with you how you can take this empowering training and conversation to the next level with my newest digital training program on: Communication Mastery.
So let’s dive in to: Communicate with Purpose, Poise and Power!!!
This is About Communication Mastery!
HI, I’m Niurka. I’m inspired to be with you! Thank you for joining me today.
Our time together is about you Elevating Your Communication Skills so that you speak with Greater Purpose, Poise, Precision and Power than ever before.
This is about Communication Mastery and how you can...
Change Your Life with the Power of the Language You Use.
I’m inspired to give you this teaching because I know it will improve every area of your life.
You’ll come to know that:
- Your Communication Shapes Your Reality
- Language Brings the Formless into Form.
- Words Matter Because They Materialize as Matter
- YOU Create As You Speak.
Your Communication Determines Your Quality of Life
How well you communicate with others and also, and most importantly with yourself, determines your quality of life.
Your ability to…
- Ground (manifest) your Ideas
- Consciously Create Your Vision
- Materialize RESULTS
...is directly proportional to Your Ability to Effectively Communicate.
In other words: YOUR SUCCESS = YOUR COMMUNICATION.
Your Success — in your business ventures, in your relationships, in every area of your life — Equals Your Communication.
Your communication determines the quality of your relationships.
How you communicate with yourself determines your health and your vitality — your level of physical fitness, and your well-being.
Your communication determines the size of your bank account; the state of your finances. Your own thoughts and vibrations around money; how it works; how much you believe you’re able to create, and by when. How much you feel you’re worth.
This inner communication that you have (with yourself) influences how you show up in the world! How you communicate your gifts (talents) and the value that you bring in a way that inspires action, and produces tangible, measurable RESULTS (or not).
Your Mental and Emotional State Is Reflected In Your Communication
Even the quality of your mental and emotional state reflects your communication.
Pause for a moment and think about the last week of your life.
Were you experiencing disempowering states like:
OR, were you experiencing empowering states like:
Or, was the pendulum swinging?
Your mental and emotional state is a direct reflection of the conversations that you’ve been having with yourself.
Our time together is about using your (attention, intention and) language to activate brilliance.
It’s about living at your highest level of excellence and communicating from this space.
I call this Living in Your Supreme Influence.
It’s the title of my book:
Supreme Influence: Change Your Life with the Power of the Language You Use
I’ll give you insights on what that actually means.
Supreme Influence Defined
The word “Supreme” refers to the Authentic (Empowered) You.
“Influence” as I define it, is inward fluency.
It’s when your:
- Body language
- Sense of self
… are All On The Same Page.
When you’re living a life that’s congruent in this fashion, you have power!
I don’t mean power over any person or thing. I mean, the real kind of power.
The kind that comes from within.
The kind of power that knows — you don’t “need” anything because who you are is whole and complete. When you communicate from this place, miracles happen.
Aligning with a Deep Breath
Today, I’ll give you insights on how to masterfully communicate from this empowered place.
Before I do, to maximize our time. wherever you are right now: whether you’re driving and listening to me in your car; or perhaps you’re listening to me at the beginning of your day; or maybe at the end of your day.
Wherever you are right now, I invite you to pause for a moment and join me in aligning our IN-tention and our A-ttention by inhaling one conscious deep breath in together.
As you do, bring all of your presence into this moment.
Let’s sit up in our chairs. Be aware of our body.
Be aware of your breath.
Wherever you are, pause for a moment now and inhale a deep breath in. Fill your lungs with lifeforce energy. Extend your abdomen so you get a full inhalation, and hold it for a moment.
Honor the space between the breaths.
Just like with music, the space between the notes makes the music.
As you exhale, release all the cares of the day, and all the cares of the world. Bringing all of your awareness into this moment, feeling refreshed and ready to integrate new insights.
Mastering The Art and Science of Communication
I’ll begin by sharing with you a bit about me, and what’s brought me to this session.
I embarked on my quest (early on) for freedom, truth and enlightenment...when I was 15 years old. Except back then I called it running away from home.
My parents immigrated to the United States from Cuba. I was born in Miami.
I remember my early years being so frustrated at my circumstances. Feeling stuck and knowing inside that I was destined for more than what was showing up in my life.
Have you been there?
Where you’re looking around at your circumstances, and you know that who you are is destined to accomplish great things?!
So, I started searching. I started reading. I started looking.
And, I made a decision early on that transformed my life!
I decided to put myself in environments that demanded more from me than I ever believed I had (at the time).
Niurka Quantum Leaps and Becomes #1 Corporate Trainer for Tony Robbins
By 19, I was traveling the US as the top corporate trainer for Tony Robbins, living in 16 different cities during an almost 5-year period.
I remember, I’d sit in the audience in those seminars and watch my then-boss Anthony Robbins, miraculously transform peoples’ lives.
I saw couples on the verge of divorce or separation instantly let go of grievances and connect in a new way. Authentically.
I witnessed people that had lost their businesses, their life savings, and even lost their hope. I saw them reconnect to their purpose. Find strength. Clarify their direction and feel a sense of inner peace.
Watching Tony was like watching a linguistic wizard, who would use his language to transform problems into opportunities.
Knowing Her Life Purpose at Age 19
It was at that moment — at 19 years old — that I knew (unequivocally) what my purpose was:
To help people transcend the biggest challenges in their lives. To help people live in their True Purpose and Power.
Here’s where my commitment was born to Master the Art and Science of Communication.
So, what does that mean?
What does it mean to be a Master of Communication?
We Communicate in Many Ways
One of the things that’s important to realize is:
Communication Happens On Many Levels.
It’s more than just speaking words, and body language.
You’re always communicating!
Actually, you cannot not communicate.
You communicate with your thoughts. Your energetic transference. I mean, if somebody walks in the room, can’t you feel their vibe? Even if they don’t say anything. It’s like their thoughts create ambience. They carry a frequency.
You communicate with your internal dialogue. That little voice inside your head that talks to you. You may be thinking, “what voice?” THAT ONE! That voice has the power of taking you to heights, or bringing you down. That little voice. Some people have a committee up there… More than one voice. 🙂
We Communicate Through Symbols
If we met for the first time, and I put my hands close to my heart in prayer position, and bowed as if to say, “Namaste,” that’s communicating.
What if someone walks into a room wearing an OM or a cross? That’s communicating too.
We use symbols when we communicate in our emails and texts.
Someone sends you a text: “XOXOXO.” That’s communicating. 😉
Communicating Visually (seeing), Auditorily (hearing), Kinesthetically (feeling)
You can communicate by giving someone a look, a gesture, or a smile.
Some people have a tendency to communicate more auditorily — really tuning into the words, voice cues and sounds.
While others communicate more kinesthetically, with a touch or feelings.
Others communicate more visually. They think in pictures; with the powers of imagination.
I’ll give you an example:
Pause for a moment and think of something that you’re inspired to create or experience.
Go ahead; do that right now for a moment.
Just think of a specific thing that you’re inspired to create, or experience.
As you do,... do you have a picture?
Notice the picture that emerges in your mind’s eye, and how it has structure.
Tune into it for a moment.
Is the picture:
- In Color? Or black and white?
- Near or far?
- Bright or dim?
- Focused or defocused?
- Is it a movie or a still frame?
- Are you in the experience looking out through your own eyes? Or are you looking at yourself… almost like you’re looking at a photograph?
Now, notice what happens when you take this image in your mind (of what you’re inspired to create) and make it BIGGER.
Make it even Brighter.
Make it even Crisper and Clearer.
Fully panoramic, in a movie, where you’re looking out through your own eyes.
It’s happening right now.
BIG, Bright, Crisp and Clear.
Tune in. How does that shift your experience?
Key to Conscious Creation
You’re continually communicating with yourself with the:
… in your mind.
When you have rich imagery in your mind — where you can see, hear, even taste your Results accomplished, in your mind, in advance, without getting attached to how it will manifest, this is a Key to Conscious Creation.
Sometimes, we communicate most powerfully by saying nothing at all.
Honoring the silent space. Because what happens when you don’t honor the silent space — the space between words, between thoughts — you can easily miss something. Or end up saying something that you need to later unwind or fix.
Silence actually speaks louder than words.
So right now, I invite you to just become curious for a moment.
What words,... what phrases… have you been using regularly?
And, what insights can you gain from them?
What have you been talking about on an ongoing basis?
Awareness About How You Have Been Communicating
Think of it this way. If you were to walk around with a recorder for a day. Or better yet, let’s say that we can put a recorder in your brain. And it recorded everything you said (either out loud or to yourself). What would be revealed?
Please know, this is not about good or bad; or right or wrong.
There’s absolutely zero judgment here.
This is about AWARENESS.
Let’s get curious.
By getting curious, we create the space to integrate new insights.
You know why?
You have infinite possibilities of what could come out of your mouth!
I mean, think about that!
There’s limitless ways to describe the human experience.
Regardless of what anyone says or does, or regardless of what’s going on...
You Have a Choice On How You Respond. To others and to life.
So, consider, what are you speaking into existence?
Are you speaking your truth while honoring others?
Are you talking about possibility and what inspires you?
Are you championing your vision?
Cheering yourself on?
Is that what you’re focused on?
Or, are you talking about problems?
Bringing up doubts or fears?
Focused on what isn’t happening?
Is there a conversation about what there isn’t? Or about what there IS?
Is the conversation about what you’re grateful for? Or what’s lacking?
Are you speaking kindly or unkindly of other people?
How about yourself?
What You Speak About Comes About.
There’s Infinite Possibilities (Within and All) Around You
What are you saying after the words, “I AM?”
These words are potent!
Be aware of what you link them to because the thing that you are claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you!
Your communication determines what shows up in a universe of infinite possibility, and, right now…
Infinite Possibilities are all around you!
- What you could create.
- What you could attract.
- What you could experience.
Personally, professionally, in your…
- Business ventures
- Life’s work
Infinite possibilities surround you right now!
Spiritual teachers have said this for centuries. Now, science is confirming this.
Billions of bits of information surround you. The thing is, your neurology, your brain, my brain — we can’t take in all of this information. It’s too much. It would be like trying to download the whole internet. We can’t take it in.
Map of Reality
We Do Three Things When We Communicate
What we do all day long (we all do it) — and it’s important to realize, because this is how we communicate — is we do 3 things: DDG.
- Delete (information)
- Distort (information)
- Generalize Reality.
We Respond to Our Map of Reality vs. (the Ultimate) REALITY
We only pick up a tiny little bit of information about everything that’s happening around us.
What we pick up is what harmonizes with our deepest:
- Sense of self
- Coded memories from the past
- Map of Reality
Here’s a diagram illustrating this model:
When we understand this communication model, we get that:
People Do Not Respond to Reality.
They Respond to their Map of Reality.
The Map is Not the Territory.
That’s NLP 101.
In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), which studies how language affects the nervous system (and is one of the many pillars in my life’s work) — we say: Perception is Projection.
In other words, each person is perceiving and communicating through the lens of his or her own consciousness.
I’ll give you an example.
Do you know somebody who tends to be a bit negative? Or maybe they’re just so negative that even when something great happens, they say, “Not for long.” And you’re looking at them and going, “Wait a minute! What do you mean? Something great just happened.”
That’s because if somebody has negativity deeply stored in their subconscious mind, they will look out into infinite possibilities… and DDG: delete, distort, generalize.
They will project negativity onto it (the blank canvas of life), because that’s what’s vibing in their internal world.
It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s like my good friend, Michael Bernard Beckwith says,
“You do not describe what you see. You see what you describe.”
In other words, in a world of infinite possibility, you’re not looking “out there” and describing what you’re seeing.
Rather, what’s happening is:
What’s showing up in your particular reality is reflecting back to you (your vibration, and) that which you are declaring.
You are a creator.
This is great news!
It means that when you shift what you’re seeing on the inside, and what you’re speaking on the inside, your entire reality shifts.
When You Change, the World Around You Changes — YOU have that much power!
This is why it’s essential to seek to understand another person’s Map of the World. And not judge. Because sometimes we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
I’ll give you an example.
Have you ever thought you communicated clearly with someone? But they heard something totally different than what you (thought you had said) intended to convey?
Has that ever happened?
I love this quote by George Bernard Shaw...
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
Here’s an example of how sometimes people don’t respond to reality, but they respond to their own mental map (of reality).
I was once scheduled to speak on a cruise with other luminaries. I hadn’t been on a cruise since I was a child. I imagined it would be fantastical and opulent.
As I was packing my suitcases with my boyfriend at the time, I had visions of grand ballrooms with ladies in beautiful gowns descending down wide splendid staircases, greeted by gentlemen in tuxedos.
I recalled the scene from the movie Titanic, where Kate Winslet floats down the staircase to meet her love.
I had this image (in my mind) of creating my own timeless romantic scene with me in a gown and my boyfriend in his tux.
I turned to him and said, “Honey, this is going to be amazing. It will be just like The Titanic.”
He looked at me, and had this look on his face and said, “Are you crazy? The Titanic? I don’t want to go on a cruise if it’s like The Titanic.”
I turned to him and I said, “Well, didn’t you see the movie?”
He said, “Yes. Almost everybody died.”
The word Titanic conjured images in HIS mind of floating corpses in the North Atlantic Sea.
To ME, that exact same word Titanic lit up images of elegance and soul mate love.
So that word, Titanic, was just a label pointing to two completely different internal experiences (maps of reality, in that moment) for both of us.
If we weren’t present and playful and willing to communicate, this misunderstanding could have escalated.
Somebody else in the absence of Supreme Influence, could have reacted with disappointment. Ended up projecting negative emotions or asking insecure questions like, “Gosh, why doesn’t he want to go on a romantic cruise with me?” “What’s wrong with him?” Or, “What’s wrong with me?”
Have you ever experienced a disproportionate reaction over a mix-up like this?
Or have you ever had someone react disproportionately towards you?
See, when I used that word, Titanic, I was just intending to be sweet and playful and romantic. Instead, my communication (in that moment) caused my boyfriend to pull away.
The Ability to Respond in a Healthy, Honorable Way
I’ll share with you a belief that I embrace that supports me in masterfully communicating; and, it can support you, too. Here’s what it is.
I choose the belief that:
My Communication Is The Response I Get.
In other words, I choose to take ownership for how my communication lands (i.e., is received) in another person’s (map of the world) universe.
So, regardless of the response that you receive from another person, remember that you are always Response-Able.
That means that you are able to respond in a healthy, honorable way no matter what.
A great practice is to invest a moment inhaling 1 deep breath, or 2 before responding.
Back to the Titanic Example and Map of the World
Ask purposeful questions to really seek to understand the other person’s Map of the World before you respond.
For example, in that Titanic example, instead of reacting, my boyfriend could have asked me a question. He could have said something like: “Honey, how do you mean it will be just like the Titanic?” Then, listen.
If he would have asked that one question, how do you mean? That question would have caused me to go inside and reveal more of my fantasy, which would have created space for something, a unified possibility to happen.
Interestingly enough, though, the actual cruise reflected none of our initial perceptions. It was a family-themed budget type cruise ship with flashy lights and all-you-can-eat buffet.
Hardly my picture of regal living.
No gown. No splendid staircase. Just one Titanic miscommunication.
The Power of Questions In Communication
Masters of Communication Honor the Other Person’s Map of the World
This is why it’s so important to realize that Masters of Communication, there’s one thing that they consistently do; there’s a number of things, but here’s one of them...
They honor the other person’s Map of the World. No matter what.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.
It simply means that you honor the other person and this allows you to access resources that you wouldn’t otherwise have.
Then from that space of honor, you ask questions to more clearly understand.
If someone says something that challenges you or confuses you, rather than reacting, you can pause and ask, “How do you mean?” Or, “What does that look like for you?” Or, “How so?”
A question as simple as “How so?” and then you wait for a response, will cause the other person to more clearly observe their own thoughts and describe their experience.
The Quality of Your Life Mirrors the Quality of the Questions You Ask
Questions are powerful!
The quality of your life mirrors the quality of the questions you ask.
Questions have manifesting power.
They attract people and experiences into your life.
Used unconsciously, they could bring unwanted experiences.
But used intelligently, questions pave the way for your dreams to become real.
With questions, you can gather valuable information.
You can clarify meaning.
Questions allow you to more clearly understand another’s Map of the World, which allows you to develop an instant connection with anyone, anytime.
Questions direct your focus.
They can help you transform challenges into opportunities.
You could use questions to evoke and call forth empowering mental and emotional states at will within yourself and within others.
Albert Einstein came to his theories of Relativity by asking and contemplating the question, “What would happen if I rode a light beam?” That question expanded his imagination!
Questions Amplify Your Materializing Power
You could use questions to explore opportunities.
The founders of Google asked a question like, “How can we organize the world’s information?”
Questions amplify your materializing power.
Types of Questions
There’s two specific types of questions that I want to focus on.
- Questions that you ask others.
- Questions that you ask yourself.
As well as:
- Empowering Questions
- Disempowering Questions
Realize that the greatest minds of our time have enriched our world by asking imaginative questions. The most significant technology advances in history originated with a question.
Questions open portals into previously unthinkable realms.
Walt Disney asked, “How can I create the happiest place on Earth?”
Steve Jobs asked, “How can I drive the human race forward?” He began each day asking this question: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today?”
Oprah said that in the early days of her career she felt so overwhelmed with so many people seeing her as a benevolent caregiver that she paused to consider what she believes is one of the most important questions that you could ever ask. “What do I really want? What is my spirit telling me is the best way to proceed?”
Questions That Focus Your Attention Toward a Vision
See, these questions are wise and empowering because they focus your attention toward a vision. Clearly, questions like these (examples above) lead to very different answers than questions like: “What do I have to do today?” Or, “What do I need to do today?”
Think about it. When you ask a question, there’s infinite possibilities of what you could ask.
Questions Contain Presuppositions
There’s something very important to realize about questions.
They contain presuppositions.
Your language presupposes if you’re coming from a place of love or fear.
Your language presupposes if you’re coming from a place of scarcity or abundance.
What do I mean when I use the word presuppositions?
Presuppositions are embedded assumptions in language that reveal the beliefs, the attitudes and the values of the one who is speaking and will summon what they declare.
A discerning listener knows that language is a doorway into someone’s inner world.
Let’s say in the context of business, someone asks a question like, “How am I going to survive in this market?” On the surface, that question may appear as if the person is looking for ways to rise above challenges. And although at some level, a question like that may temporarily create motivation to not be in a state of survival, the inherent presupposition in that question reveals that that person is actually IN that state of survival, which attracts even more of that experience into their lives.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why? Because we’re creators and…
We Create As We Speak.
Remember, we’re in a universe of infinite possibilities and it’s ALL available. 🙂
Consider this for a moment from an energetic standpoint.
If a person is in an energy of survival, then that frequency is being projected out, and that’s what comes back in. Because it’s in the giving that we receive.
What if that same person asked a different question.
Instead of, “How am I going to survive in this market?” What if they asked a question like this: “How can I be even more aware of the unlimited opportunities that surround me right now?”
If that person were to ask that throughout the day, do you think that eventually they would become even more aware of unlimited opportunities? Of course!
What does that question presuppose?
It presupposes that they already are aware, and that there are unlimited opportunities. And that they’re surrounding them right now, which is going to cause their brain to find things that match what they are declaring.
Questions Are The Answer
What happens when someone’s not aware of their questions, their questions can end up creating conflict with other people or even within themselves.
Example: Questions That Can Make You Lose Your Power
Let’s say a person wants to start a new business. But deep down, they have these limiting beliefs that cause them to ask disempowering questions, like:
- “What if it doesn’t work?”
- “What if now is not the best time?”
- “What if I don’t have enough experience?”
- “What if I don’t have enough money or investment capital?”
Then they can become torn. It’s like a part of them wants to take action, but another part of them doubts. So they lose their power.
They may want to create value for others, prosperity for themselves, doing what they love. But in that moment, they’ve given up their ability to make that happen.
Metaphor: Questions Are Like Heat-Seeking Missiles Encoded to Find a Specific Target
One of the reasons why it’s essential to discipline your mind and focus on asking empowering questions is because questions are like heat-seeking missiles encoded to find a specific target.
The vibration in which you ask a question, will be the frequency in which it (the answer) returns to you.
Example: Asking a Question with Hesitancy
If someone asks a question with hesitancy. Let’s say that they are asking the Universe to bring their soulmate. They want their love to show up. But when they ask that question, they ask it with hesitancy due to hurt experiences from the past or other reasons. Then what happens is, the Universe responds with hesitancy.
Questions and Focus - RAS: The Reticular Activating System
The Reticular Activating System
But you know what, if you asked with faith, knowing/trusting an answer will come, then it will.
Whatever you ask, your brain will find an answer that matches your deepest expectations.
There’s a part of your brain that scientists call the Reticular Activating System. Or the RAS.
It’s the part of your brain that tells you what to notice.
I’ll give you an example of how the RAS works.
Have you ever bought a car that you thought was unique?
Then you start driving around and all of a sudden it seems that all of these other people are driving the exact car you just bought? What happened??!!
Are you out there setting trends? No. The cars were there before but you weren’t focused on them. Therefore, your brain deleted them.
Remember I mentioned earlier? That we delete, distort and generalize reality?
But NOW, your car is in the forefront of your mind because it’s important to you so you begin to notice the things that match your dominant thoughts.
The Quality of the Questions Determines the Quality of the Response
This is important because this means that you can consciously formulate questions to signal to your RAS to sift through infinite possibilities and find and bring you what it is that you want.
The quality of the question determines the quality of the response.
If you formulate a disempowering question, you get a disempowering answer.
If somebody asks a question like, “Why does this always happen to me?” Or, “How could I be so stupid?” Then they’ll get a disempowering answer.
Shifting an Entire Focus from Something Unwanted to Something Desired
But what if that same person asked a higher vibrational question about the same situation?
What if they asked a question like, “Hmm…what can I learn from this?”
Or, “What’s the opportunity here?”
Or, “Who do I know that’s an expert that can help me understand this?”
How would that shift their experience?
It’s not just shifting the questions. It’s a shift in an entire focus from something unwanted to something wanted, which improves everything!
Story: Using Empowering Questions with Niurka’s First Account
I remember when I first started my company. It was in the year 2000. And I signed my very first account, Mercedes-Benz, only 2 days after launching my company.
I didn’t have any business cards.
I didn’t have a strategy.
I also didn’t have any limiting beliefs.
I scheduled a meeting with the decision maker and on my way down to meet him, I immersed myself with empowering questions like:
- “How can I create an instant connection with him?”
- “How can I understand what is most important to him?”
- “How can I communicate in a way where he knows for a fact that I am the best person on the planet to deliver this training and consulting to his team?”
- “How can I speak into his listening?”
- “How can I inspire immediate action?”
- “How can I put together a win-win deal today?”
I kept flooding myself with these empowering questions.
By the time I walked in, the deal was already done in my mind. And you know what? This is what the top athletes do. This is what the top entertainers of the world do. They create their results in advance in their mind. Then... they step into their creation.
That’s what I did! And within a few hours, we had structured a deal for a year of my training and consulting services, which I hadn’t even formulated yet.
I ended up driving off the showroom floor with a $1,500 a month cherry red Mercedes.
And… it started with questions.
Questions You Ask Yourself About Your Clients
It’s not just the questions that you ask your clients. For example, in the context of business. It’s also the questions that you ask yourself ABOUT your clients.
Why? Because your questions influence YOUR state of mind.
They influence how you perceive.
What YOU believe is possible, and how YOU show up.
Imagine asking yourself questions like:
- “What do I appreciate about this person?”
- “Why do I want to work with him?”
- “What am I inspired to co-create with him?”
When you elevate your questions, you elevate your entire experience of reality.
Crafting Your Own Empowering Questions
Crafting Empowering Questions by Design
Now I’m going to give you a couple of insights on how you can craft your own empowering questions.
What an empowering question is, is it’s a consciously crafted question that you ask either yourself or others that inspires action towards a clear, desirable aim.
It’s important to realize first off, that you ask questions all day long. You ask questions out loud. You ask them to yourself. But now, I’m giving you some insights to do it by design. On purpose.
Insight to Empowering Questions: State Your Questions in the Affirmative
First thing is, state your questions in the affirmative.
Ensure that it’s leading you and moving you toward a vision.
Be sure that the language flows in the direction that you want to go.
What this means is, state what you want, not what you don’t want.
Suppose that you have an important decision to make. You can ask affirmative questions.
- “What’s the wisest choice?”
- “What’s most important?”
- “Having made this choice, how will I feel?”
- “Will it elevate and uplift my life and those involved?”
- “Is it essential?” And by essential, I don’t mean, “Is it necessary?” I mean, “Is it of my essence?”
- “Is it an extension of my spirit?”
Story: “How Can I Not Be Such a Procrastinator?”
I taught this process once of asking empowering questions in corporations. Then I guided everyone present through their own empowering question and guided them to write it down.
I remember one person raised their hand.
I called on him.
Here was his question. He says, “How can I not be such a procrastinator?”
Now, consider the presuppositions in this question.
This is an example of a question that does not work because it reinforces an old disempowering identity and we live in an attraction-based universe, so placing attention on not wanting something actually draws it closer.
Example: You Cannot Not Think About Something
I’ll give you an example.
So, play along. If I were to say to you, “Don’t think of the color red.” What are you thinking about right now? I bet you’re thinking about red.
How about if I said, “Don’t think of a blue tree.” What are you thinking about right now? See, you cannot not think about something.
In order for you to not think about something, you gotta think about it first.
In other words, when you think about not procrastinating, guess what you think about first?
Questions stimulate the RAS to find what you speak.
So, if someone is focusing on not procrastinating, they get more procrastination.
What’s a more empowering question?
What’s a more affirmative, results-oriented question that this person could ask?
What if they asked:
- “How can I be even more focused on accomplishing my top 3 results for the day?”
- “How can I focus my energy to accomplish this in the next hour?”
- “How can I be even more efficient?”
- “How can I be even more effective with my time?”
- “What is the best use of my time right now?”
- “How empowered and inspired will I feel once this is accomplished?”
Questions direct focus.
Example: An Empowering Question That Called in Unwanted Experiences
I taught this at another corporation once and I remember I had one team member that raised their hand when we were sharing our empowering questions. Here was HIS empowering question: He says, “How can I be even more tolerant with customers who are absolute jerks?” And he was seeking a solution, but the question he was asking was calling in more experiences that he didn’t want.
Really consider this.
Do you think that this person could create an entirely new experience – not just for himself but for his customer and for his whole company simply by elevating the question? What would happen if he shifted his language to the affirmative? How about if he asked questions like this:
- “How can I genuinely connect with this person?”
- “How can I understand what’s most important to him?”
- “And how can I honor his experience while clearly communicating our policy so we both feel great at the end of this call?”
- “How can I resolve this challenge right now and exceed his expectations?”
- Or, “How can I brighten his day?”
- “How can I bring all of my attention and energy to this moment?”
See, if this man asks these questions throughout the day, not only can he have more fun at work, but his results will improve.
So, you want to state your question in the affirmative.
Insight to Empowering Questions: Start with How, What or Who
And another insight is that empowering questions most often begin with the words, “How,” “What,” or “Who.” See, you could start a question with the word “Why.” The thing is that “Why” often leads to philosophical conversation or even amplifying problems. Someone may say, “Gosh, why is this happening?” Or, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
So, make sue that if you use the word “Why” to formulate your question, that it uplifts. For example, “Why am I inspired to accomplish this?"
Questions that begin with “Why,” they can invoke a strong sense of purpose. But if used unconsciously, they can bring you in a downward spiral.
Insight to Empowering Questions: Create Momentum Towards Where You Want to Go
And then the other insight is when you ask your question, you want it to create momentum towards where you want to go. So, for example, tune into this distinction and difference in these questions.
If I asked a question like, “How can I be focused?” That’s empowering, right? It’s a great question? But what if I elevate it a little bit and then said, “How can I be even more focused?” Or what if I said, “How can I be ever more focused right now?” That brings the energy into this moment. And it makes it actionable.
Now It's YOUR Turn!
Exercise: Write Down an Empowering Question
Right now it’s your turn. So, if you’re driving, you’re obviously not gonna do this. But if you’re listening to me, you may want to grab a piece of paper and a pen if there’s one handy. And write down your own empowering question.
- State it in the affirmative.
- Begin with How, What or Who.
- Make sure that it creates momentum.
Before you write it down, you may want to consider this...
What question can you ask yourself right now, that by the very nature of accepting the presuppositions in that question will cause the greatest elevation in your life?
What would that be?
And by the way, you don’t need to know the answer. That’s the beautiful thing. When you ask a question with sincerity and with certainty that an answer will come, it will.
Write a List of Empowering Questions
So, what’s your question? I invite you to write one down.
Write a list of empowering questions.
I want you to imagine asking expansive questions.
What’s the one thing that I could focus on right now that will enrich every area of my life?
What will that question attract?
What previously deleted opportunities will you begin to notice or (become aware of) envision?
How about this… what if you only asked questions you wanted the answer to?
I started this ritual of asking empowering questions at a young age.
Story: Speaking on Wall Street in the Early Days
I’ll share a quick story with you of the early days in my career.
I entered the Personal Development business at age 19. My title back then was “Corporate Trainer” and my job was facilitating 45-minute (peak performance) presentations, which were introductory workshops for sales and management teams. Then once I was done, I would invite and enroll people in the upcoming seminar.
Because of my age and my experience, I was called “The Kid.” And I was given all of the non-qualified workshops that nobody else wanted to run.
While all the other trainers were living in the heart of New York City, I was camped out all the way in the outskirts of New Jersey and given all the meetings that were hours away, with rookie teams, that nobody wanted.
Despite the situation, I kept seeing myself succeeding in my mind, in the heart of New York City.
I would even go into the City on weekends and immerse myself in the energy. Imagining myself leading workshops for the most powerful companies in the world.
Then one day, opportunity called on my brick-sized cell phone!
I could hear my manager’s voice, “Niurka, how quickly can you get to Wall Street?
So, I pulled out my big Thomas Guide map of the Tri-State area to decipher the distance.
I said to him, “I can get there pretty quickly.”
I was actually sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic when he called.
I said, “Why? What’s up?”
He said, “We have a workshop that’s scheduled on Wall Street with a major investment banking firm in just a few hours. It’s been confirmed for weeks. They’re expecting our top trainer. He just had an emergency; he’s on his way to the airport. All the other trainers are giving presentations."
Then he said to me, “You’re our last hope. It’s your chance, kiddo. Are you ready?”
The word that came out of my mouth was “Yes!” I wanted to feel ready, but inside I felt a scared and excited. But I took a deep breath. I centered myself. I sat up straight. And I declared “I am ready!”
He gave me all the details and the call ended.
I knew. This was going to happen. I had committed.
My body was trembling a bit, but I didn’t want to say it out loud.
I just took a deep breath, then I pulled into a coffee shop. Sat in the parking lot for a moment. Closed my eyes and I pictured myself walking into this office and connecting with each person present. Then I went into the bathroom at the coffee shop and brushed the lint off my velvet jacket, which I had bought at a thrift store, and I would recycle with all of my outfits back then.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I spruced up my curly locks (I had this curly hair back then).
With passion, I declared: “With faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains.”
I began to say that over and over and over in my mind.
“With faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains.
With faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains.”
I began to use my language to call forth faith, which to me meant the absence of doubt or absolute certainty.
Calling it so I can move mountains which to me meant: Achieving Great Success.
With that mantra, it was permeating my being.
I got in my rent-a-car and I drove to the transit station in New Jersey. Then took the underground train into the City, then took the subway to the Financial District.
The whole way, I was saying to myself:
“Faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains.”
I had my shoulders back, looking up, taking deep breaths.
Repeating this mantra.
When I arrived at the station, I marched up the stairs and when I got to the top, I locked eyes with Wall Street’s Charging Bull.
I remember the feeling of mixed terror and complete exhilaration!
I knew...this was a Rite of Passage.
I could hear the little voice in my head that was saying, “Niurka, you are ready. You can do this.”
So, the whole way, I found the building. Saying to myself:
“With faith the size of a mustard seed, I could move mountains.”
Until this mantra permeated every cell of my being.
I found the building; I was a little bit sweaty.
Stepped into the elevator, took it to the top floor and the whole way up,
“Faith the size of a mustard seed I can move mountains.
Faith the size of a mustard seed I can move mountains.”
The elevator door opened, revealing this enormous mahogany desk.
The receptionist was sitting behind the desk. I walked over to her, introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Niurka; I’m here to see Fred.”
She looked at me coldly and said, “Do you have an appointment?”
“Yes, I’m the trainer scheduled to meet with him and his team.”
“Really?” she said. “Take a seat.”
She picked up the phone and said, “Fred, Shirley Temple’s here to see you.”
Oh my gosh. My heart sank!
I could actually see the flyer up on the wall that was announcing the Sales Mastery Workshop with a top trainer that was going to begin in 15 minutes!
People were trickling into the training room.
As each person entered, I connected with them in my mind.
Then this tall, distinguished silver-haired man in a dark blue pin-striped suit, walked into the lobby.
I stood up to greet him.
He glanced over my shoulder as if he was looking for someone else.
I walked over to him, I held out my hand, smiled, and said, “Hi Fred. I’m Niurka, your trainer.”
He turned pale, looked at me and said, “Are you gonna do this by yourself?”
I thought I’d create some humor to create rapport.
I held up my briefcase, pointed at it, and said, “Well, Fred, I’ve got a little green man in here who helps me out in case I get in trouble.”
He was not amused.
He’d been promoting this event for weeks to his highly experienced team — men and women that made hefty salaries and likely wouldn’t appreciate being trained by a 19 year old amateur.
Fred looked nervous.
We walked into the training room.
I remember he walked in front of me. I was walking behind him, assuring him that I was going to deliver my absolute best presentation. And that everything happens for a reason.
He looked at me, and said, “Listen, Kid, 20 minutes max.”
So, I got up there and I put my heart, mind and soul into every word of my presentation. My very basic Five Steps to Success presentation.
At the end of my talk, I asked, the key question, “Who wants to go to the seminar?”
Only one hand went up. Mine.
I asked again, “No, seriously, who wants to go to the seminar?”
I could feel the tension in the room rising.
So, I took a deep breath. I smiled and then I shared a story. A funny story about a lumberjack that won a contest because he sharpened his axe.
Then I softly asked, “Now, I’m sure somebody wants to sharpen their skills and go to the seminar.”
Now the tension was really rising.
So, I just paused, took a deep breath. I put my hand on my heart. And I said, “I honor you. And your time. Please allow me to share just one last story.”
Then, a miracle happened!
Fred stood up. He looked at me. Then he looked at his team. Then he pointed at me and said to them, “Do you all see this kid? This kid’s got balls to come in here and talk to you like this. And if this seminar can get this kid to do this, I’m going. And I think every single one of you needs to go. And if you take action right now, I’ll pay for half.”
And he turned it back over to me.
About one-third of Fred’s team enrolled for the seminar that day!
And when we walked back to his office, this time we were walking side-by-side.
He said, “You know, I got a daughter that’s about your age and she usually comes to me for money. So, I really appreciate what you’re doing.”
I smiled and pounced on that opportunity. I said, “Hey, would you please endorse me on letterhead?” “I’ll do better than that,” he said. Watch this.
He took out his big Rolodex and thumbed through it. Picked up the phone and called the other branch managers and gave me a glowing recommendation.
The very next day, he personally escorted me right onto the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, introducing me to all the key players.
Closing Exercise and Thoughts
Living In Supreme Influence.
This opened the door in the early stages of my career.
So, what’s the moral of the story? How is it that a 19 year old kid was able to produce those results?
I aligned my focus. The pictures in my mind, my language, my body language with my vision.
Then I stepped forward with faith.
It’s been almost two decades since Shirley Temple succeeded on Wall Street. And what I know with certainty, is that you too can move mountains.
And you accomplish this by aligning your:
… with your true Purpose and Vision.
This is Living in Supreme Influence.
Exercise: Feeling Unstoppable
So, with that, here’s a quick exercise.
For a moment, just tune in. How easily can you remember a time in your life, a specific time? Where you felt absolutely unstoppable? Think right now and go back to a specific time where you were on fire. On a roll, where you knew something was going to happen. And go back to that specific time in your mind right now. As if it’s happening right now. And notice what you see. Notice what you hear. Notice what you feel. Breathe way that you’re breathing when you feel absolutely unstoppable. How do you stand when you’re in this state? Feel the feelings in your body of being absolutely unstoppable and anchor those in.
Communication Mastery means consciously communicating with yourself. To call forth the highest within you. And then bringing your best into all of your relationships and all of your projects.
I’ve enjoyed our time together.
Thank you for being with us. I’m intending you received immense value from Today’s episode.
And if you want to take this powerful teaching to the next level, my newest digital course is available to you now. It’s called Communication Mastery: The Art & Science of Influence and Persuasion.
We offer this course for $397 USD. But because you listened to this Episode all the way to completion, I’m inspired to give you this powerful new digital course for only $250.
Use the special code: CM2021.
Remember... when you elevate your communication skills….
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And be sure to tune in to our next episode where I will be sharing a special training on the Art of Manifestation.
If you’ve been desiring to manifest your greatest goals and dreams you are going to LOVE our next episode.
You are a Creator. And our next episode will empower you to manifest your greatest goals and dreams in way that is meaningful, and creates value, beauty and prosperity.
You have a Unique Gift and it’s time to step into the heights of your true purpose with power, and manifest from this inspired awareness.
I AM GRATEFUL for you Beautiful One, and I can’t wait to be with you on our next episode.
Be sure to Tune In. I’ll see you there!